I've been writing so much academic papers that I'm beginning to think I've lost my touch in expressing myself in prose. Perhaps now is a good time to recount the essences of this year's experiences and see just how much 2009 has contributed to my life. I couldn't say that this year was the grandest year for me, but nonetheless, there were circumstances that I allowed to happen, those that I chose to get involved in and savored the ups and downs that came along with it. In the perpetual sense of 'charging it to experience', I'm glad I got something out of all of it.
My realizations center around different types of people that I got to talk with, made bonds with and discovered the extent to what they can be for me. For one, I realize that the ones you least expected to listen to you would be the ones who can listen the best. It does not take for one to be a constant companion, nor to have someone in common with, to be able to qualify as a person who you can rely on. It does, however, require a bit of trust-even if that trust is guided by intuition and the small, considerate and thoughtful things that have been done in the past.
The irony is that apparently, commonalities are not necessarily the key to immediately building and settling bonds. I personally find that puzzling as the bonds I've made in the past were laid with a foundation of generic, perhaps even shallow interests such as listening to music, watching television or reading books. Yet, such bonds turned out to be very formidable and more reliable.
It's rare to find people with a high level of similarity in traits and interest. I realized that in the event that it happens, I see myself nurturing possible bonds that can come out of it. After all, quick logic tells me that if I can create and maintain solid relations with types of people I mentioned above, what more with a very select few who share very similar characteristics? Well, 2009 has shown me that sometimes, similarities can come with tradeoffs. While it can guarantee ecstatic states of interactivities, it is not a short cut in establishing the degree of bonds that my 'quick logic' had me perceived.
In this, I saw yet again, how the little things mattered—acknowledgment, concern, consideration, ambient presence and awareness of others. I felt all of these off hand among the 'generic' ones and now I wonder, maybe these fuel the bonds deeper than mere similarities. Tradeoffs, as someone explained to me what these things are. I see now how it can sometimes make or break the degree of one's relationships to others.
To hang on, to be open and to see were the responses that I chose to do with all the bonds I've nurtured this year. I say again, that the insights that I got were immensely useful. I achieved a sense of what I can give, what I can do, what I should've done but didn't, and what others can also willingly give and extend to me. The emotions, both good and bad, that came along with it serve as a reminder that while I try to maintain a grasp of how things should be, there are things that can be very hard to control. In such circumstances, I remind myself who I am, what I am capable of doing and what I should do. And in the process, I should relearn to listen to my gut feel.
In 2010, I hope to reclaim the ties that I might've left in hiatus due to other things I got preoccupied with, or sometimes, with the explorations that I ventured into. As a result, I have learned more about me, about other people and what makes them tick. I don't intend to burn any bridges as everyone has made a mark on who I am and who I am not. I do, however, intend to thread bridges—both old and new—with greater care and see which is more stable when I cross it as I carry misery or joy.
Thank you, for making this another year of learning experience.
